Why you keep screwing up your diet, even when you ‘know better’

Something that I’ve been trying to come to terms with recently is the fact that we can’t always logic and reason our way out of our emotions and impulses.

We might know very well that it would be silly to make a certain decision that wouldn’t serve us, yet we go ahead and do it anyway. (Like - do marathon runners realise they don’t actually have to do that ???)

We might be well aware of why we’re feeling a certain way, but we still try and numb that feeling with distractions or coping mechanisms.

For instance, when faced with an open bag of chips - logical you might suggest that it would make sense for you to have just one handful, but emotional you might end up enjoying it too much and then finish the whole lot even if you’re already full.

This is why, no matter how many podcasts you listen to or how many books you read or how many expert interviews you absorb - you’ll never actually change your habits until you truly understand what purpose they’re serving in the first place, and give yourself the self-compassion you need to find alternatives.

Something that’s gotten me into trouble in my past - and I know this probably seems unrelated but I’m going to weave it all together - is my tendency to ‘fawn’ in response to the possibility of conflict. 

Essentially, trying to manage people’s opinions of me by keeping my mouth shut, taking the blame and being submissive in the hopes that it will preserve a relationship or prevent someone from being upset with me.

This has come at the cost of my own authenticity and emotions being freely expressed - leading to a build up of resentment on my end which has sometimes resulted in seemingly random outbursts that did upset people a lot more than if I had been open in the first place.

When I first realised that this was a problem for me - my initial instinct was to try and shame myself into changing. ‘Lauren, you need to STOP doing that otherwise you’ll ruin all of your relationships forever!’

My self-talk became more and more negative, with the belief that if I was hyper-aware of my issues - I would be more likely to change and less likely to fall into the same patterns. 

Did it work? Lol - no.

I succeeded only at feeling embarrassed and feeling guilty for who I was as a person. 

I share this story because I feel like it holds so many parallels to other behaviours we often try and use shame to stop ourselves doing.

But shame doesn’t work. 

If you stand in the mirror and tell yourself ‘I look fat’, or ‘I’m so ugly’ - I guarantee it’s not going to inspire you to treat your body any differently. 

The way that I learnt to stand up for myself, stop being so afraid of being disliked and be more authentic in my relationships was by learning to understand how the fawn response was serving me to begin with. 

It was a tool I was using to hold onto the connections I had and to maintain peace in my (otherwise mildly chaotic) life. When I could identify this - that was what allowed me to prioritise authentic expression in the way that I lived - deepening the connections that were meaningful to me (and pushing away those which weren’t), as well as incorporating other activities that brought me peace. 

I’m now one of those gals that loves a nature walk, loves a dip in the ocean, loves a scented candle and loves a lo-fi playlist in the background because I crave peace in my life (maybe it’s just because I’m older). When I have enough peace, I don’t fear the outcomes of disagreeing with people or standing up for myself like I did in the past. 

I think that if we experience shame around our eating behaviours, there’s a likelihood that there’s a purpose to which they’re serving us (even though you might desperately want to change them).

If this is you - I encourage you to think deeply about what food gives you - beyond the physiological need to eat.  

Is it comfort? Is it joy? Is it pleasure? 

Is there a possibility that your life is missing any of these elements from other sources?

What would it be like to give yourself the radical permission to indulge in foods purely for the sake of enjoying these feelings - without being shamed? Do you think you’d eat more, or less?

I find that in most instances, giving ourselves permission to just enjoy nice things allows us to be more mindful and embodied in the moment. As a result - we don’t consume out of panic or in some kind of out-of-body-trance state. 

And learning to be nicer to ourselves is just important in general. 

Being nicer to ourselves is what fosters growth, healing, meaningful reflection and long-term change - contrary to what many of us seem to think. 

I’m curious to hear your thoughts, feel free to reply if you’d like to share your reflections.

Bye for now,

Lx